My Ex From Hell (The Blooming Goddess Trilogy #1) by Tellulah Darling
Publisher: Te Da Media
Release Date: April 1st 2013
Genre: Fantasy, Mythology, Young Adut
Synopsis:
a) Bad boy’s presence (TrOuBlE) + teen girl’s brain (DraMa) = TrAuMa (Highly unstable and very volatile.)
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
b) The Genus Greekulum Godissimus is notable for three traits: 1) awesome abilities, 2) grudges, and 3) hook-ups, break-ups, and in-fighting that puts cable to shame.
Prior to the Halloween dance, Sophie figures her worst problems involve adolescent theatrics, bitchy teen yoga girls, and being on probation at her boarding school for mouthy behaviour. Then she meets bad boy Kai and gets the kiss that rocks her world.
Literally.
This breath stealing lip lock reawakens Sophie’s true identity: Persephone, Goddess of Spring. She’s key to saving humanity in the war between the Underworld and Olympus, target numero uno of Hades and Zeus, and totally screwed.
Plus there’s also the little issue that Sophie’s last memory as Persephone was just before someone tried to murder her.
Big picture: master her powers, get her memories back, defeat Persephone’s would be assassin, and save the world. Also, sneak into the Underworld to retrieve stolen property, battle the minions of Hades and Zeus, outwit psycho nymphs, slay a dragon, rescue a classmate, keep from getting her butt expelled from the one place designed to keep her safe …
… and stop kissing Kai, Prince of the Underworld.
My Ex From Hell is a YA romantic comedy, Greek mythology smackdown. Love meets comedy with a whole lot of sass in book one of this teen fantasy romance series. Compared to Kai and Sophie, Romeo and Juliet had it easy.
Excerpt:
One minute, I was feeling all smug about my powers, the next, I caught sight of about a
dozen Infernorators hovering just outside the fence like a firing squad. Yikes! I froze in terror as they advanced en masse toward me, reaching out their flaming tentacles.
Bless Theo and his wards. Their fire simply bounced harmlessly off the air above the fence. I really was in a giant protective shield. I smiled, thinly. My turn. I figured that since I had the upper hand, I should take these things out.
In my defense, it never even occurred to me that this was a two-way ward. In my head, it was all about me, me, me. So of course I’d be able to fire outwards.
Yeah ... no. I sent my ribbons of light lashing out toward those bad boys. They hit the invisible shield at full speed, then bounced off it to rebound back at me.
That was the point at which I totally forgot how to control them and just yelped, wildly waving my hands around as I ducked and bobbed and tried not to trip over my own superpower.
A low laugh penetrated my fear. I glanced over, wide-eyed, to see Kai smirking from over by the back fence. For a second. The smirk quickly disappeared as I sent the creepers directly for him.
I will swear on a stack of bibles or whatever that I didn’t mean to take him out. It was instinctive. Better him a target than me.
“Duck!” I yelled feebly. He just glowered at me and put out his hand to stop them in their path. I might have felt like a busted bottle of Silly String, shooting these puppies out willy-nilly, but it was pretty impressive the way Kai had them twisting in place like that.
I stood there gaping until he growled, “Quit it” and I snapped back into action. I dropped my hands but that didn’t seem to blink the vines out of existence.
“Hurry up!” he snapped, the strain of holding them at bay wearing on him.
Honestly, I had no clue what to do. I tried to shoo them away from him. Less than successful. I only managed to redirect one toward a small sapling, which I then uprooted and used to conk him on the shoulder.
“Of all the useless ...” he began.
“Who asked you to show up, anyway?” I shot back. Especially with me once again looking like Grimy, the eighth dwarf. I did the only thing I could think of at that point. Since I’d called the ribbons up with my energy, maybe I could draw them back in. I concentrated on pulling them back into me.
It worked. They dissipated in a rush. Their power flooded inside of me and knocked me back about twenty feet.
I landed like a rag doll. The wind was knocked out of me. I fluttered my eyes open several minutes later to find Kai frowning.
“That was stellar,” he commented. “Zeus and Hades won’t have to kill you. You’re a walking suicide mission.”
At the reminder of my nemeses, I turned my head back toward where the Infernorators had been.
“Forget it. The Pyrosim are gone,” he said, rubbing his shoulder. “You okay?” “The tree didn’t help.”
“Oops. Sorry. You hid it well,” I said.
“I’m a god. I don’t show weakness. Around you,” he added, “that seems to be a survival skill.”
“Ha ha. Next time I’ll try and warn you if I’m getting ready to sprout. We could have a hand signal. I’ll bet the gods have great hand signals.”
“No.” Kai crossed his arms. End of discussion.
Or changing of subjects. “Why are you here?” I demanded, refusing his help as I struggled to sit up.
“I told you. Your whereabouts flash in my head.” “No. Here. Hope Park. What do you want?” “Answers. Why did you disappear on me?” “Someone tried to hurt me. Maybe it was you.” “It wasn’t me,” he stated darkly.
“Whatever. Theo didn’t know what fate was in store for me so he got me out of dodge.” “And you believe him?” “Do you have a better explanation for all this? Two days ago, I had no idea who I really
was. Theo sure wasn’t thrilled to learn what happened when you kissed me.” Kai smirked. “It was my kiss that set this off?” “Yes. You’re very manly. Good for you.” “I think it’s good for you,” he insisted.
Then he kissed me.
dozen Infernorators hovering just outside the fence like a firing squad. Yikes! I froze in terror as they advanced en masse toward me, reaching out their flaming tentacles.
Bless Theo and his wards. Their fire simply bounced harmlessly off the air above the fence. I really was in a giant protective shield. I smiled, thinly. My turn. I figured that since I had the upper hand, I should take these things out.
In my defense, it never even occurred to me that this was a two-way ward. In my head, it was all about me, me, me. So of course I’d be able to fire outwards.
Yeah ... no. I sent my ribbons of light lashing out toward those bad boys. They hit the invisible shield at full speed, then bounced off it to rebound back at me.
That was the point at which I totally forgot how to control them and just yelped, wildly waving my hands around as I ducked and bobbed and tried not to trip over my own superpower.
A low laugh penetrated my fear. I glanced over, wide-eyed, to see Kai smirking from over by the back fence. For a second. The smirk quickly disappeared as I sent the creepers directly for him.
I will swear on a stack of bibles or whatever that I didn’t mean to take him out. It was instinctive. Better him a target than me.
“Duck!” I yelled feebly. He just glowered at me and put out his hand to stop them in their path. I might have felt like a busted bottle of Silly String, shooting these puppies out willy-nilly, but it was pretty impressive the way Kai had them twisting in place like that.
I stood there gaping until he growled, “Quit it” and I snapped back into action. I dropped my hands but that didn’t seem to blink the vines out of existence.
“Hurry up!” he snapped, the strain of holding them at bay wearing on him.
Honestly, I had no clue what to do. I tried to shoo them away from him. Less than successful. I only managed to redirect one toward a small sapling, which I then uprooted and used to conk him on the shoulder.
“Of all the useless ...” he began.
“Who asked you to show up, anyway?” I shot back. Especially with me once again looking like Grimy, the eighth dwarf. I did the only thing I could think of at that point. Since I’d called the ribbons up with my energy, maybe I could draw them back in. I concentrated on pulling them back into me.
It worked. They dissipated in a rush. Their power flooded inside of me and knocked me back about twenty feet.
I landed like a rag doll. The wind was knocked out of me. I fluttered my eyes open several minutes later to find Kai frowning.
“That was stellar,” he commented. “Zeus and Hades won’t have to kill you. You’re a walking suicide mission.”
At the reminder of my nemeses, I turned my head back toward where the Infernorators had been.
“Forget it. The Pyrosim are gone,” he said, rubbing his shoulder. “You okay?” “The tree didn’t help.”
“Oops. Sorry. You hid it well,” I said.
“I’m a god. I don’t show weakness. Around you,” he added, “that seems to be a survival skill.”
“Ha ha. Next time I’ll try and warn you if I’m getting ready to sprout. We could have a hand signal. I’ll bet the gods have great hand signals.”
“No.” Kai crossed his arms. End of discussion.
Or changing of subjects. “Why are you here?” I demanded, refusing his help as I struggled to sit up.
“I told you. Your whereabouts flash in my head.” “No. Here. Hope Park. What do you want?” “Answers. Why did you disappear on me?” “Someone tried to hurt me. Maybe it was you.” “It wasn’t me,” he stated darkly.
“Whatever. Theo didn’t know what fate was in store for me so he got me out of dodge.” “And you believe him?” “Do you have a better explanation for all this? Two days ago, I had no idea who I really
was. Theo sure wasn’t thrilled to learn what happened when you kissed me.” Kai smirked. “It was my kiss that set this off?” “Yes. You’re very manly. Good for you.” “I think it’s good for you,” he insisted.
Then he kissed me.
Guest Post:
My sucky first kiss or Why I write YA romantic comedy books
I don't actually remember my first kiss. And believe me, it's not because there was such a variety of them in my teen years that it just got lost in the shuffle. Which, sigh, is probably another reason I write YA romantic comedy. At least my characters fare better than I did.
While I may not remember my actual first kiss, the first one I do remember is forever burned in my brain. I was fifteen years old and a cute boy (cute being relative to my age and the decade) had asked me to go to the fireworks with him.
Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Yeah, throw that idea out. Imagine you and ten thousand of your closest friends packed onto a beach to listen to a deafening soundtrack of rock ballads while watching the light show overhead. Now make at least half of those people drunk.
But silly, innocent girl that I was, I though this was going to be highly romantic - a night of cuddling with perhaps one perfect kiss as the final firework burst overhead and in that moment of silent awe, I would feel, nay hear our two hearts beat as one.
I remember that we got there about three hours early to secure a spot. The boy had not brought any kind of blanket, so this was three hours of sitting in sand, while families and yahoos settled in around us. But that was okay. It gave us a chance to talk, probably about such scintillating topics as which of our friends was screwing around on whom and what TV shows were we watching. I remember having overlooked the fact that he didn't read because he was cute. (Never again.) It did allow a pleasant sexual tension to build between us and by the time the sun had set and the show started, I was all ready for the hand holding to begin.
Now, skip the hand holding because in a blink, as the crowd around us roared and the first flare lit up the sky, I felt myself pushed back onto the sand and these giant lips come towards me. Tongue may have been hanging out. And while I can't remember that part exactly thanks to some very excellent trauma repression, I do have a very clear memory of thinking, "this is going to be gross." Which then warred with the thought, "but I am about to be kissed." The kissing won out. Because I was 15 and stupid. But it was a curiously detached experience, with me trying to figure out if his lips were growing and what the polite amount of time was that I could allow this before I shoved him off me and grabbed a desperately wanted tissue to wipe off my face.
Forty minutes. That was the length of the fireworks show (of which I saw nothing) and the amount of time he kissed me with those massive, fleshy, wet lips. I take responsibility for not shutting down the action sooner, but my mother had raised me to be polite and I wasn't sure what the polite way to express "EW THIS IS SO DISGUSTING!" was.
So I kind of tuned out and focused on all the places that sand was creeping in. And not in a pleasant "yay friction" kind of way. At long long last, the show ended. At which point he did sweetly take my hand and we began the trek to the bus stop. I tried one last time to salvage my romantic ideals with a cuddle on the bus, but that seemed to give him the idea that I wanted to kiss some more. Which I so didn't. So I moved seats. And that was the first kiss I can remember having.
Which leads me, good people, to why I write YA romantic comedy. Because while I can appreciate the humour of awkward teen passion, I'm determined to write girls who will push that boy off them for not being romantic. Or ruining the kissing experience. Girls who will say, "Nope. This isn't working for me." Who will make their boys smarten up and figure out how to treat a girl, even if they have to teach the guy themselves.
And I figure if I write enough great kisses, I'll end up believing that one of them was mine.
Post #3: Inside Tellulah’s head: The writing of The Blooming Goddess Trilogy
I am obsessed with the naming of things. Characters, projects, I can spend ages finding just the perfect fit. And while that may sound like procrastination, it’s super important procrastination. Since I’m gearing up to release My Life From Hell, the final book in my YA romantic comedy/Greek mythology series, The Blooming Goddess Trilogy, I thought I’d share the thinking behind my book titles in this trilogy.
The one thing I knew going in was that this was the story of an underachieving girl who discovers that she is Persephone, Goddess of Spring. When it came time to name this girl, Sophie Bloom just immediately popped into my head. Sophie as the human derivative of Persephone, and Bloom both for spring and for her journey. Because, what was clear to me, was that each book thematically had a flowering-esque cycle to it.
Book one, My Ex From Hell, dealt thematically with the idea of “emerge.” I remember being sixteen and waiting for the day my “real” life would start. But is there really any event that allows that to happen? Once I got into university, maybe I’d wait for my real job? Or the love of my life, or children, or success, or ... You get the picture. So I wanted to explore this idea that here’s this girl, waiting, and suddenly, with the discovery that she is the Goddess of Spring and key to humanity’s survival, there can be no more waiting. Life has just very gotten real. And should be real for every moment we live it.
To get all obvious here, Sophie is the bud emerging from the sleep of her life. However, I chose to start her journey on Halloween and not in spring. To me, spring is the height of Sophie’s powers and abilities. Therefore, I wanted to start her at the furthest point from spring and gradually build her up to that point.
It’s important to remember as well, that this entire trilogy is a romantic comedy. Again, then, for the relationship between Sophie and Kai, the idea of “emerge” is in place. It’s the classic “meet cute” of our couple.
Book two, My Date From Hell, moves Sophie’s journey along to the idea of “grow.” Without any spoilers, Sophie grows in terms of her abilities and her sense of self. And for the romance? See how the titles move from My Ex From Hell to My Date From Hell? Progress/growth for Sophie and Kai as well.
The final book in the trilogy is called My Life From Hell. This, thematically, is the “bloom” stage. Sophie finally, and in all ways, will come into her fabulous self. “But Tellulah,” you protest, “you’ve taken the relationship element out of the title.” I don’t know about any of you, but when I was teenager, my idea of love was all-consuming. Overwhelming. A girl could get lost in that vision. And maybe, just maybe, that’s going to be part of Sophie’s journey as well. Learning that romantic love is only one (albeit important) part of life.
Or maybe I’m just going to kill Kai. heh heh
Anyhoo, all that to say, that if you take the emerge/grow/bloom idea as a whole, it brings us back to why this is The Blooming Goddess Trilogy. And also, a bit cheekily, I also liked the Brit slang aspect of “blooming.”
There you have it. Questions? Thoughts? Discuss.
I don't actually remember my first kiss. And believe me, it's not because there was such a variety of them in my teen years that it just got lost in the shuffle. Which, sigh, is probably another reason I write YA romantic comedy. At least my characters fare better than I did.
While I may not remember my actual first kiss, the first one I do remember is forever burned in my brain. I was fifteen years old and a cute boy (cute being relative to my age and the decade) had asked me to go to the fireworks with him.
Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Yeah, throw that idea out. Imagine you and ten thousand of your closest friends packed onto a beach to listen to a deafening soundtrack of rock ballads while watching the light show overhead. Now make at least half of those people drunk.
But silly, innocent girl that I was, I though this was going to be highly romantic - a night of cuddling with perhaps one perfect kiss as the final firework burst overhead and in that moment of silent awe, I would feel, nay hear our two hearts beat as one.
I remember that we got there about three hours early to secure a spot. The boy had not brought any kind of blanket, so this was three hours of sitting in sand, while families and yahoos settled in around us. But that was okay. It gave us a chance to talk, probably about such scintillating topics as which of our friends was screwing around on whom and what TV shows were we watching. I remember having overlooked the fact that he didn't read because he was cute. (Never again.) It did allow a pleasant sexual tension to build between us and by the time the sun had set and the show started, I was all ready for the hand holding to begin.
Now, skip the hand holding because in a blink, as the crowd around us roared and the first flare lit up the sky, I felt myself pushed back onto the sand and these giant lips come towards me. Tongue may have been hanging out. And while I can't remember that part exactly thanks to some very excellent trauma repression, I do have a very clear memory of thinking, "this is going to be gross." Which then warred with the thought, "but I am about to be kissed." The kissing won out. Because I was 15 and stupid. But it was a curiously detached experience, with me trying to figure out if his lips were growing and what the polite amount of time was that I could allow this before I shoved him off me and grabbed a desperately wanted tissue to wipe off my face.
Forty minutes. That was the length of the fireworks show (of which I saw nothing) and the amount of time he kissed me with those massive, fleshy, wet lips. I take responsibility for not shutting down the action sooner, but my mother had raised me to be polite and I wasn't sure what the polite way to express "EW THIS IS SO DISGUSTING!" was.
So I kind of tuned out and focused on all the places that sand was creeping in. And not in a pleasant "yay friction" kind of way. At long long last, the show ended. At which point he did sweetly take my hand and we began the trek to the bus stop. I tried one last time to salvage my romantic ideals with a cuddle on the bus, but that seemed to give him the idea that I wanted to kiss some more. Which I so didn't. So I moved seats. And that was the first kiss I can remember having.
Which leads me, good people, to why I write YA romantic comedy. Because while I can appreciate the humour of awkward teen passion, I'm determined to write girls who will push that boy off them for not being romantic. Or ruining the kissing experience. Girls who will say, "Nope. This isn't working for me." Who will make their boys smarten up and figure out how to treat a girl, even if they have to teach the guy themselves.
And I figure if I write enough great kisses, I'll end up believing that one of them was mine.
Post #3: Inside Tellulah’s head: The writing of The Blooming Goddess Trilogy
I am obsessed with the naming of things. Characters, projects, I can spend ages finding just the perfect fit. And while that may sound like procrastination, it’s super important procrastination. Since I’m gearing up to release My Life From Hell, the final book in my YA romantic comedy/Greek mythology series, The Blooming Goddess Trilogy, I thought I’d share the thinking behind my book titles in this trilogy.
The one thing I knew going in was that this was the story of an underachieving girl who discovers that she is Persephone, Goddess of Spring. When it came time to name this girl, Sophie Bloom just immediately popped into my head. Sophie as the human derivative of Persephone, and Bloom both for spring and for her journey. Because, what was clear to me, was that each book thematically had a flowering-esque cycle to it.
Book one, My Ex From Hell, dealt thematically with the idea of “emerge.” I remember being sixteen and waiting for the day my “real” life would start. But is there really any event that allows that to happen? Once I got into university, maybe I’d wait for my real job? Or the love of my life, or children, or success, or ... You get the picture. So I wanted to explore this idea that here’s this girl, waiting, and suddenly, with the discovery that she is the Goddess of Spring and key to humanity’s survival, there can be no more waiting. Life has just very gotten real. And should be real for every moment we live it.
To get all obvious here, Sophie is the bud emerging from the sleep of her life. However, I chose to start her journey on Halloween and not in spring. To me, spring is the height of Sophie’s powers and abilities. Therefore, I wanted to start her at the furthest point from spring and gradually build her up to that point.
It’s important to remember as well, that this entire trilogy is a romantic comedy. Again, then, for the relationship between Sophie and Kai, the idea of “emerge” is in place. It’s the classic “meet cute” of our couple.
Book two, My Date From Hell, moves Sophie’s journey along to the idea of “grow.” Without any spoilers, Sophie grows in terms of her abilities and her sense of self. And for the romance? See how the titles move from My Ex From Hell to My Date From Hell? Progress/growth for Sophie and Kai as well.
The final book in the trilogy is called My Life From Hell. This, thematically, is the “bloom” stage. Sophie finally, and in all ways, will come into her fabulous self. “But Tellulah,” you protest, “you’ve taken the relationship element out of the title.” I don’t know about any of you, but when I was teenager, my idea of love was all-consuming. Overwhelming. A girl could get lost in that vision. And maybe, just maybe, that’s going to be part of Sophie’s journey as well. Learning that romantic love is only one (albeit important) part of life.
Or maybe I’m just going to kill Kai. heh heh
Anyhoo, all that to say, that if you take the emerge/grow/bloom idea as a whole, it brings us back to why this is The Blooming Goddess Trilogy. And also, a bit cheekily, I also liked the Brit slang aspect of “blooming.”
There you have it. Questions? Thoughts? Discuss.
Author Bio:
Sassy girls. Swoony boys. What could go wrong?
1. YA romantic comedy author because her first kiss sucked and she's compensating.
2. Alter ego of former screenwriter.
3. Sassy minx.
Writes about: where love meets comedy. Awkwardness ensues.
Tellulah Darling is a firm believer that some of the best stories happen when love meets comedy. Which is why she has so much fun writing YA romantic comedy books. Her books span contemporary, teen fantasy romance, and YA Greek mythology, and range from stand alones to series. For Tellulah, teen romance is the most passionate, intense, and awkward there is – a comedy goldmine. Plus smart, mouthy, teen girls rock.
1. YA romantic comedy author because her first kiss sucked and she's compensating.
2. Alter ego of former screenwriter.
3. Sassy minx.
Writes about: where love meets comedy. Awkwardness ensues.
Tellulah Darling is a firm believer that some of the best stories happen when love meets comedy. Which is why she has so much fun writing YA romantic comedy books. Her books span contemporary, teen fantasy romance, and YA Greek mythology, and range from stand alones to series. For Tellulah, teen romance is the most passionate, intense, and awkward there is – a comedy goldmine. Plus smart, mouthy, teen girls rock.
Giveaway:
Blitz-wide giveaway (OPEN INTERNATIONALLY) ENDS DECEMBER 18TH 2014
1. $25 Amazon gift card
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1. $25 Amazon gift card
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